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Fighting Those Wartime Blues -
A good friend of mine recently expressed to me her overwhelming sense of helplessness in the face of this ugly war. She was feeling the same thing so many of us are. She told me that she's sick of crying, yet crying feels like the only honest response. She gave voice to her fear that civil disobedience accomplishes nothing while "housewives in suburbia and farmers in Iowa shake their heads at us and go about their flag-waving." She spoke of a play about the Trojan war we were in and how she sees her memory of that play now, her memory of trying to guess at the emotions behind the words "they killed my children." She described her memory as "pretending I was living through a war and not knowing what the fuck I was talking about." She asked me to tell her what is possible. "I need to know what's possible."
I suppose she was asking me because I'm ten years older than she and this is the second war on Iraq I've opposed. It felt odd to me since there are people in my life who've been opposed more wars than have occurred during my lifetime. I'm certainly no therapist, I'm not a counselor, my only degrees are in theatre arts. On the other hand, I have survived the catastrophic loss of a family member to violent death. I have lost an unusual number of family members for a 35 year old. And, more relevantly, I did live in San Francisco during Bush Sr's war 'Desert Shame' in 1991. I was out in the streets demonstrating against that war four to five days out of every seven for all six weeks of that war. I became severely depressed during Gulf War One. I overwhelmed myself with what little information was available then. I thought of little else. I starved myself of food and sleep. I ignored phone calls from family and friends who weren't actively opposing the war. I'm thankful I couldn't afford drugs or alcohol at the time because I have no doubt that I would have developed a fierce addiction to one or more substances. Even without self-medication I was a mess for 3 solid months.
One of my closest friends is in Baghdad with the Iraq Peace Team for Bush Jr's sequel war 'Liberate Iraqi Oil.' That fact has made this war ten times more personal for me. Remembering my 'Desert Shame' induced depression, I've thought long and hard about how to prevent myself from sinking too deeply into the wartime blues again.
I replied to my friend with some of the tricks that I've learned since '91, some of the things I'm doing to keep myself together this time around, and some of the things I know I should be doing but am not yet. I told her about some of the thoughts that give me hope. Her response was so incredibly positive that I thought it might be worthwhile to share these tips and thoughts with more people. Many of us who oppose this war are feeling like the gravy under a drink coaster in a truck stop diner, so anything to help the mood can't be all bad. That's why I'm putting this stuff out there; in case it can help even one more person weather the storm a little more comfortably...
Take a clean break from thoughts of war at least twice every day for an hour or more. Do something to distract yourself and take care not to let your thoughts drift back to war while taking those breaks. Meditate, exercise, rent a silly comedy or sci-fi movie, see a play, take a walk, party, have orgasms, read fiction or poetry. Call one of your friends or family members who frustrates you with their apathy (we all have them) and let them entertain you with idle chit-chat instead of being frustrated by trying to get them to care. Play games, make something with your hands, go to a museum, spend time with your friends, spend time with your lover. Listen to music (I mean really listen) cook a complex meal, play with your pets, play with your kids, go for a swim, go to the gym, pretend to be a tourist, get the hell out of the house. Don't let yourself feel guilty for daring to have fun while your government is killing innocent people. Fun is required for sanity. You're no help to the peace movement if you fail to take care of yourself, go off the deep end and/or end up in a hospital or unable to get out of bed.
Eat right. It's really hard to do when depressed, but do it. Sleep right. Don't stay up 'til dawn surfing the web for the latest news on the war or the anti-war movement, you need to sleep, you can't protest without it. Breath. Pay attention to your breath. When you notice that it's short and quick, regulate it. Pay your bills, do your laundry, clean your place, go to work, go to school (except on moratorium and general strike days of course.) Don't blow things off, it only puts obstacles in your path that you don't need right now. Maintain your relationships, we need each other during this madness. Take it easy though, give yourself a break, don't try to do too much. This may be a long war, so pace yourself. Acknowledge your depression and give yourself permission to be depressed. You may just plain need to hibernate for a few days. That's okay too ya know. Just because we want to save the world doesn't mean we're actually superhuman.
The number one most important rule of thumb for taking care of yourself while opposing the war on Iraq: DO NOT WATCH TV NEWS. Though you are drawn to look at it like you are drawn to look at a car wreck, don't let yourself do it. You've already learned propaganda which needs to countered with real information, so turn off the TV now. You've already learned all you can from it. TV News, be it local, national or cable, focuses primarily on the progress of the war and the tactics of the war. The debate over whether this war is moral, just or even legal is not allowed onto the airwaves. Broadcast war coverage consists of journalists, military personnel, retired military personnel, right-wing 'think tank' representatives, defense contractor employees, right wing politicians and precious little else. On the rare occasion that opposition to the war is actually acknowledged, that acknowledgement is heavily laden with disdain and is presented with intent to discredit. The tiny street corner gatherings of pro-war ('pro-troops') demonstrations are given as much or more airtime than the worldwide peace movement. Broadcast news tries to make dissenters feel discouraged, so your best recourse is to ignore it. There is no real information for you available on broadcast TV news. Turn it off. No, but really. Turn it off and don't turn it back on. Did I mention to turn off the television?
Do not listen to NPR and BBC radio either. They are fully on board the pentagon propaganda train. Where once NPR had some objectivity to it, it has now become 'National Pentagon Radio' and it's best known shows have turned into 'Warring Edition' and 'Allied Things Considered.' 90% or more of voices heard on NPR are pro-war. BBC radio, in fine Anglo tradition, has now become the 'Bullshit Bropaganda Coalition' (though it does have a few reporters in Iraq who try to slip in the occasional anti-war sentiment before the anchor person in London politely cuts them off.) The exception here are their weekend broadcasts when fewer people are listening. It seems they choose to air more voices of dissent when fewer ears will hear it.
Avoid listener call-in talk radio. It will only piss you off and bring you down. Listen instead to your local public radio station when it's playing Alternative Radio or Pacifica Radio (or it's own good local content if it has any) instead of when it's playing NPR and BBC. Listen to Free/Pirate radio via the internet. Visit radio.indymedia.org for links to Radio-x in Seattle and Enemy Combatant Radio in San Francisco and other alternative radio options. These stations will give you validation for your feelings against the war and will give you useful and interesting information about what's happening in the streets, both here and in Iraq.
Surprisingly, corporate owned print media is doing a better job than corporate broadcast media. Read the newspaper and your local weeklies, but do so with a very large shaker of salt in hand. When reading mainstream print media, ignore stories about the progress and/or tactics of the war. That stuff is nothing but cheerleading and it will only bring you down. This is not to say that you should ignore all war related news. Keep abreast of possible war crimes and other horrors so you can discuss these things with fence-sitters, those newly doubtful of Bush and those who want to 'support the troups' yet feel guilty supporting the war. While it will be painful to read about this stuff, in the long run it might help you feel better to be able to educate others. Keep up with what is happening in the UN, NATO and the EU and follow worldwide opposition to the war. Everyone is different though, find the right balance that works for your temperment. Don't be obsessive, that's the fast road to depression.
Get friendly with news.google.com as a way to choose your own information. More importantly, explore the alternative news resources on the web. CommonDreams.org, AlterNet.org, IndyMedia.org, MotherJones.com, TheNation.com, ElectronicIraq.net, GuerillaNews.com, ZNet/ZMag.org and (shameless self-promotion alert) Inlet.org to name but a very few. There are a few westerners in Iraq who have been posting their experiences online, an excellent source of true information about what is really happening in Baghdad. http://inlet.org/wade is one, and his page includes links to others. Be careful with this stuff though, it's very potent and can be quite depressing. Small doses only, keep an eye on the clock and don't overdo it, that's what bookmarks are for.
Do not discuss war with close-minded, neoconservative warmongers who say that you are anti-american for opposing the war. They are beyond reach and are not worth your energy. Slam your head against a wall repeatedly instead. It will be much less painful and much easier on you and will at least give you a sense of accomplishment when you touch the resulting bump on your head. Don't worry about the flag wavers, they're not your chore, they have their own lessons to learn that you can't help them with.
Remember that the majority of Americans oppose this war. Ignore the
polls, they are propaganda tools, they are not real. Notice that the
polls you hear or read about which claim huge support for the war fail to
publish the exact wording of the questions asked in those polls. They don't publish the demographics of the people they poll. They omit that info when they publish because they poll only people who fit the demographics which will give them the answers they want. Then they ask questions about 'supporting the troops' and report the results as 'xx% support the war.' Truth is the first casualty of war. Don't believe the hype. Have you ever been polled? Do you know anyone who has ever been polled? For fifteen years whenever the topic of polls comes up in a conversation I've asked everyone in the room if they've ever been polled, or if they know anyone who has ever been polled. Not one single person has ever said 'yes.' The polls during Desert Storm claimed as high as 90% approval. Less than 9 months later, Bush Sr. lost the election. A Major discrepancy between propaganda and reality there, as now, as always.
Making your opposition to the war visible can help you feel like you're contributing to the movement in however small a way. Keep a peace symbol or 'no war' button of some sort visible on your person whenever you're in public. While you're wearing it, be a positive example of a kind and friendly person. This can give the doubters and fence-sitters a positive image of a pro-peace critter and might even brighten your mood. Avoid 'fuck war' and other in-your-face sentiments on buttons and stickers. While it may express what you feel, it will not help turn people toward joining the peace movement and it will cause most people who see it to send negative energy at you. There is already plenty of negative energy around and having more directed at you can only deepen your sadness and angst. Keep the in-your-face anti-war schwag visible at home if it helps, but realize that displaying it in public won't help you or the peace movement in the long run. For example, I recently moved the 'War IS Terrorism' sticker from the car window to the fridge door and replaced it with a home-printed 'Blind Faith Is Not Patriotism' sign instead. Making people think does not require pissing them off. Pissing them off will not make you feel better in the long run, quite the contrary.
Remember that you are doing the right thing by opposing this war. Don't let the accusations of being 'anti-american' get to you. Questioning your government and expressing your disagreement with it's actions is the single most American thing you can do. Don't buy into the nonsense that you're aiding and abedding the enemy or that you're discouraging our troops. Iraqis are modern intelligent people who are able to differenciate between the will of American citizens and the will of the U.S. government, so there is no remotely logical case for the 'aiding and abedding' nonsense. Saying that we're discouraging the troups by voicing opposition to Bush ordering them to kill and die is to say that the troops are all idiots. There are plenty of troops who don't agree with the reasons given for this war, yet follow their orders because they're committed to the choices they've already made by enlisting. The number of veterans of Vietnam and Gulf War One who oppose this war is staggering. There is no better way to support the troops than to demand their withdrawal from harm's way. Speaking of which, remember that most of the troops are victims of this war too. Most of them joined up as a way to pay for college or because their poverty and the poor education given to them by public schools left them with no choices other than crime or enlistment. Many of them will come home with Gulf War Syndrome. The emotional scars of war have caused more Vietnam veterans to commit suicide since coming home than were killed during the 8 years of that war. The blame belongs to the men who are ordering them to kill and die.
The flag-wavers and the neocons are not our problem. Don't worry about them, they cannot derail this movement, they are the minority. If they hassle you in public or online, just gently remind them that protecting your freedom to express your opinion is supposedly why we are fighting this war and let it go at that. Don't let them draw you into a pointless debate, you need that energy for more important and effective things. Stay away from arguments about the war in newsgroups or web discussion boards. You won't convince anyone of anything in such a forum, no matter how eloquent or well informed your argument. You will end up wasting far too much time and thought. Save that energy for organizing against the war. Volunteer for groups who are organizing actions against the war instead of arguing with closed-minded neocons who'll do nothing for you but drain your energy. Someday they will have to account for the fact that they supported sending other people's children to kill and die for an unjust, illegal and immoral war. That is the painful lesson they have to learn for themselves, you can't help them with it.
On a similar note, don't spend time and energy bitching at other people who oppose the war. If they don't oppose the war in the way that you think they should oppose the war, give them constructive feedback or just leave them alone. There are countless numbers of ways to express opposition to war and all are valid. It all counts as parts of a larger whole. If you lash out in frustration at others who also oppose the war, you'll end up feeling guilty about it and you'll probably have made them feel bad too. We're all in this together. War is our common enemy. If you have better ideas for fighting against this war then do some organizing instead of criticizing. Start your own organization or join an existing organization and try to bring your ideas to fruition that way. Act constructively, not destructively. Doing something productive will make you feel better, hassling people who are on your side will make you feel worse.
Speaking of organizing, whether or not you've been taking part in peaceful civil disobedience, if you've begun to doubt it as a viable tactic, please consider the possibility that it is not useless, pointless or counter-productive. Historically, peaceful civil disobedience is the only thing which brings about rapid, large-scale positive social change. Civil disobedience only seems crazy to those who do not understand our democracy, it's history or the civic duties which are built into our Constitution and Bill of Rights.
Every movement in American history which has ever effected positive social change has done so through civil disobedience and has done so in the face of far more widespread opposition than we're facing by opposing this war. Read Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States or his The Twentieth Century to be reminded of the accomplishments of civil disobedience. Women gained the right to vote through civil disobedience, as did blacks. The labor movement gained federal legislative protection for unions with civil disobedience. Roosevelt's 'new deal' was in direct response to widespread civil disobedience. Segregation was ended in schools, on buses, at water fountains, in restaurants etc by civil disobedience. Britain was forced to leave India by peaceful civil disobedience. The Berlin wall came down and the fall of the USSR happened under massive civil disobedience. The Vietnam war was ended by civil disobedience. The peace movement (aka 'public opinion/opposition to the war') is widely cited as the reason the US pulled it's troops out of Vietnam without 'winning' the war. Civil disobedience is an effective tool for peaceful social change. Never let the naysayers convince you otherwise. If civil disobedience doesn't feel right for you, or if the threat of bodily harm at the hands of violent cops is not an option for you, then march in protests which have municipal permits, write your representatives regularly, volunteer for groups who oppose the war, flyer and poster the whole town with pro-peace and anti-war sentiments. If you choose not to take part in civil disobedience, support those who do in every way you can because they are the backbone of the anti-war movement.
On the sad-but-bright and hopeful side, the world is more and more horrified every day by the Bush junta. It will not be long (relatively) until the world
community bands together to oppose Bush's insanity and puts him in
his place. The world will band together to stop Bush if Bush doesn't stop his mad rush to world empire. Yes, it is possible that the world will band together to stop this war and reign Bush in. The UN General Assembly is currently considering a meeting to discuss and condemn the war and demand a withdrawal of troops. The echoes of Hitler's rise to power are too obvious to ignore for those in the rest of the world who don't suffer from the American collective-consciousness-attention-span of 20 minutes. Once the world spanks Bush back into line (and hopefully finds a way to charge him with his crimes) Americans may learn to never let it happen again. There is still reason to hope.
Links to articles which may help to address some of the pain of opposing this war follow:
Acknowledging Despair
Post D-Day Depression
Resist Despair
Hope in Days of Despair
Support Our Protestors
Antiwar Effort Emphasizes Civility Over Confrontation
Will Middle America Board the Peace Train?
Starting a Ruckus was the Right Thing to Do (by Michael Moore)
Standing Up to Uncle Sam
When Democracy Failed: The Warnings of History
Peace Work/Piece Work -- Women's History of Peace
Marching for Peace in a Time of War
Saying No to War
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Steven Shults is a stage actor, director, activist and co-editor of http://inlet.org
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